I was bored at work and I stumbled upon a blog.. dunno wot made me go there but I did... and this blog was dedicated to men and women, boys and girls from Nigeria that had experienced sexual abuse as children and the effects it had on them even in their latter years.... needless to say that the stories I read hit really close to home for me.. I saw myself in alot of the women that had the courage to stand up and share their storeis... to break the unspoken code of silence that dominates Nigerian sexual abuse victims... I read the stories of men abused by aunties and house maids and cousins and friends as early as 6 years old... women gang raped, date raped, raped by fathers, uncles, step fathers, drivers, cousins, friends, strangers (im crying again.. i need to stop) repeatedly.... over and over and over again... while their parents looked the other way... you are left broken and damaged... never loving yourself or your body... never desiring all that a real loving relationship could give... always ending up in the hands of losers and users... giving yourself and your body off in exchange for nothing.. feeling worthless... feeling unworthy of the good things of life... including being loved for who you are... yes these are the rocky feelings and states of mind that an abused individual has to deal with... but some of us, some of us have perfected the art of hiding the pain, of pretending.. of blocking it away.. and conveniently forgetting... of giving off an attitude of 'oh look at me... im just alrite... everything is perfect... the roses are red and the skies are blue' meanwhile you are dying inside.. praying for night to come.. so you can crawl into yourself... the one person that knows you for who you truly are... and the only other person, unknown to you, that loves you just as you are... Reading this woman's blog... took me down memory lane... memories that I hate to dredge up.. memories that I liked to believe would illicit no emotional response from me if I was ever confronted with them again... but this blog proved how wrong I was... I am still sensational about my experiences... Now I donot blive anyone ever really forgets it.. you can deal with it and move on from it... but you will not forget it... it will haunt you and torment you until you decide NO MORE!! You can decide to take control of ur destiny and to be free from the torment of your abusers.... its a long journey I tell you...a long one of self rediscovery... to make up for a childhood that never was becos some peodophile could not keep his dick in his pants... but through the Grace of God you come out... with the wounds healing... slowly but surely... I know that one day I will be whole..... I know... and till that day comes... I will keep pushing.. and fighting.... thank you confused naija girl... for reminding me that I am not alone.... and for reinforcing my hope once again.... Thank you...